(post death cure one shot) Thomas is having Teresa feelings
by chickeny.roll
Summary: **CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE DEATH CURE** Thomas/Teresa-ish. Set after the Death Cure, the only thing I changed is that instead of kissing Brenda Thomas is finding it hard to accept Teresa's death. One shot.


He cried. Gasping for air, rocking himself back and forth, Thomas cried. For some reason he thought of the time when she had slammed the end of the spear into his face, when she had said so confidently, "Aris is my best friend." It had felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest. But this felt worse. So much worse. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably, chest heaving. He had been like this for the past three days in their so called "paradise". He hadn't spoken to anyone, and nobody dared to try and start a conversation. Thomas knew that he should be happy. They were safe. They were all immune. WICKED was gone, out of their lives forever. But the image of that one person kept drifting back to him. Tar black hair, piercing blue eyes. It hurt to even think of her name. She had been his best friend, maybe even more at one stage, but WICKED had destroyed their relationship, forcing her to make him feel completely and utterly betrayed, else he would be slaughtered. Part of this included her and a boy from Group B, Aris, almost beating him to death with spears and sticks. When Thomas woke up the next day, all his injuries somehow healed, she had run into the room, her pale face streaked with tears, and explained why everything had happened, told him it was going to be alright. He had wanted to trust her, with all his heart he really had, but deep down he had known that things would never be the same. Legs crossed, Thomas sat and screamed her name to no one in particular. He wasn't worried about people's reactions; everyone had more or less grown used to his routine. Sleep, eat, cry, scream and shout. He probably would have taken his own life except he knew he didn't deserve it. Death was too good for him. She had loved him so much. Even after all the klunk he had given her, the terrible way he had acted, she still sacrificed herself so that he could escape from that crank-infested world. Brenda had leaned in to kiss him when they first came through the Flat-Trans but he had turned away and shook his head. It didn't feel right.

As the sun was setting Thomas became aware of a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head around to see Brenda looking down at him, concern clouding her gaze. He said nothing, only stared at her. She sighed. "Minho is worried about you. _I'm _worried about you." He continued to stare at her in silence. She continued, seeming slightly angry, "It's been three days, and don't you think it's time to start helping us out a bit? You aren't the only one who's lost someone." His blank stare slowly turned into one of fury, rage boiling inside him. "She shucking died for me! Don't you get that? She was my best friend!" He shouted at her, the tears beginning to fall again. Brenda's gaze softened. "Tom, I – " "Don't call me that!" He screamed, a note of insanity creeping into his voice. "Teresa…called me that." He felt a small stab of guilt when he saw the look of hurt on her face, but it must have dawned on her what she had said because it was quickly replaced by realisation. "Oh my God, Thomas I'm sorry, I didn't even think." Brenda's shoulders slumped as she spoke. "It's ok." He murmured. "Not your fault. I'm losing it, you know." She sighed again. "I'm sorry about the other day, too. You know, when we came through the Flat-Trans. It was too soon." Thomas shook his head. "It's not that it was too soon or anything. I just wouldn't be able to do that to her…Teresa. I'm sorry, Brenda, but whatever my future is, it doesn't involve that kind of relationship with you." Brenda nodded sadly. "I guessed as much." They sat in silence for a few moments before she spoke again, choosing her words carefully. "Thomas… I know that she meant a lot to you, but why are you beating yourself up so much over it? There was nothing you could do." He stared at the ground for a minute before replying. "You would know better than most how much I despised her after the Scorch. She knew how I felt too; I had made that pretty clear. Yet she still shoved me out of the way of that shuck ceiling." His shoulders started to tremble again as he said "She used her last words to say she only ever cared for me. And then I ran away from her into our paradise here. Imagine that. Bleeding, lying under a rock, watching the only person you ever cared for run away from you." He had sworn to himself that he would never speak of Teresa's last moments to anyone, yet he had already gone and blurted it out to the last person on earth she would want him to. When Brenda mumbled some sort of condolence Thomas didn't respond. He would tell her everything if he let himself, including what little he knew about him and Teresa before the maze. Another pang of guilt shot through him as he remembered that Teresa had agreed to get her memories back. If only he hadn't have been so stubborn, maybe he would have found a reason to trust her again _before_ she sacrificed herself. She could have been there with him now. He could feel the tears beginning to trickle again. He mustn't think like that, it was only going to make things worse. Brenda stood up to go, Thomas was sure that she would've given him a hug except she didn't dare touch him in his current state. Who knows what he would do, he didn't quite know, himself. She turned to look at him. "I know you're suffering, we all do, but we need you to come back. Our little community won't last long if not everyone is putting in an effort. I'm not saying don't grieve, but be there for everyone. Regardless of what those tattoos said, Minho knows you're the real leader among us." And then she left.

Thomas had to admit, he felt slightly better after talking to someone. Even so, he knew that he would never be the same, never be that leader that everyone seemed to need. He would help as much as he could to sustain life in their immune settlement, although he would never contribute to its population. He knew that he could depend on Minho and Brenda to be there for him, and Jorge too, when he needed them, but his heart was trapped in a void inside of him, and it would remain there until the day he died.


End file.
